and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
