I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
