I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
