I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
