we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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