Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
