She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize