Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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