Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
