i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Randomize
