Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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