i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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