We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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