who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
