Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
