Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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