Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My vagina just recognized that song.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
