You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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