i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
