so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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