went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
