just survived the first fart of the relationship.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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