Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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