In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
