A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
