i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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