Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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