after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
