I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't deserve a penis
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
