Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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