dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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