Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
