I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
