What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
