Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
