I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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