Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
