I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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