yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
