Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
