On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
