Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
