hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
