Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
