I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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