That's intense
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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