His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
