it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize