I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
