were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
