i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
my liver is dry heaving
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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