i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
