you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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