The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
