I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize