no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
