i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I would fuck him just for his dog
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize