Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
