She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
