Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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