70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
