i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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