the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
