she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
