well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
