i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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