its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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