I faked an abortion last night.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
