Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you would pick up someone in the library
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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