i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
