i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
