***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
