i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I love you. Go after that dick
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
