well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
