ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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