I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm passing your future prison.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
