Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
