P.S. I can't hear my feet
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
