She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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